Mum, dad, three children and a sperm donor
Life doesn’t always go as planned. The Dutch couple Toyah and Ricardo had just started their journey towards parenthood, when they found out that there was a problem with Ricardo’s sperm. Here, you can read the story about how Toyah and Ricardo created their family with the help of a sperm donor.
“When we had tried to get pregnant for three months, I decided to buy a home sperm test so I could see that nothing was wrong, and we could keep trying without stressing about it. However, the test was negative which meant that there were too few sperm cells. My husband then went to the doctor and had his sperm tested twice. The sperm count was 0 both times.
After a few months of tests and operations, we were told that Ricardo had the disease Y deletion which basically means that you are 100% healthy but you cannot produce sperm cells. We were then told that we needed a sperm donor to have children.”
Parents with a little help
“Because it was a long journey up until that point, we had already accepted that this would be our path. We were just happy to know that we could still become parents, but with a donor and a little help. At the beginning of the journey, we thought that we could never have children, and that feeling still haunts me sometimes. It was very painful and I'm glad that we were able to use a donor to make our dream come true in the end.”
The sperm donor looked like Ricardo
“We chose a sperm donor who had similar interests and appearance as Ricardo. The donor is athletic, has the same hobbies, and the same eye and hair colour. Only the donor’s height is different from Ricardo.”
It is important to be open about the journey
“We have always been open about our journey because we would not want to keep something as important as this from our children. The donor helped us, and he gave us the greatest gift – the gift of life – and we want to share that with our children and everyone else.
Our family and friends were really happy for us that we were finally pregnant after all those years of trying. Sometimes, people forget that the children are conceived with the help of a sperm donor because they look so much like Ricardo.”
DNA is just a piece of the puzzle
“Ricardo’s relationship with our children is very strong. I think that it is because it took so much from us to get them, and we are so grateful to have them in our life every day. Ricardo is 100% their father because he has been there from the beginning when they were made and every day since then. They may not look like him on the inside, but they act just like him. DNA is just a piece of the puzzle.”
When the children are old enough, they will know
“I tell them regularly, but they do not understand it yet. When they are old enough to understand, I will explain to them how the donor gave us this precious gift and show them the pictures of the treatments and the Cryos tank.
To our donor, I would like to say thank you for giving us this gift. We are grateful for it every day.”